In Weed We Trust

Republican Gil Kerlikowske, Director of the Office of National Drug Control Policy, gave a statement this week about how both liberal and conservative interpretations of the White House's new weed policy are "wrong". Kerlikowske claims that neither side has it right, but then he goes on to argue against legalizing marijuana for almost the entirety of his statement.

 "Legalization is being sold as being a cure to ending violence in Mexico, as a cure to state budget problems, as a cure to health problems. The American public should be skeptical of anyone selling one solution as a cure for every single problem."

Uh. You mean like the bible? Or an all-powerful god? Or Obama? (if you're asking yourself, "is byrd really comparing Weed to god?" The answer is a definite Yes)

"To test the idea of legalizing and taxing marijuana, we only need to look at already legal drugs -- alcohol and tobacco.  We know that the taxes collected on these substances pale in comparison to the social and health care costs related to their widespread use."

...because as every Director of National Drug Control Policy knows, there's no reason to separately evaluate the safety of different drugs. They all have the same effects anyway, right?

"In a little over three months, my office will deliver to President Obama a National Drug Control Strategy that will strike a balance between public health and public safety, recognizing that reducing demand through a community-wide approach is critical to our success."

Dude. You need to go smoke a fuckin joint -- or get laid. Pick one.